I'm going crazy
Jan. 29th, 2008 12:46 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
trooper6So...yesterday I woke up with a headache, feeling really tired after sleeping way later than normal, and a bit nauseated. So...I was convinced that there was some sort of gas leak in my house. So I called the PG&E...um...I mean SoCal Gas..and they came to my house and completely checked it out. With special sensors and everything. The word was...no gas leak. They even used this special sensor that would have picked up gas residue even if the gas was now gone. And nothing was picked up. So clearly, I was just a being paranoid and crazy. Of course, it sort of messed up Sunday as a day for getting work done.
So I get home after working at the IHOP all night--I walk in...and I think I smell gas. I check all the burners, and nothing is out...there can be no gas leak...but I'm still all paranoid about it. So, I'm going to go to bed and set my alarm for early...if I wake up with a headache...I'm going to sort of freak out.
Well, I did lots of writing on the diss today (and replaced the Speedo cable on my motorbike)...but it seems like I didn't get much done...though I did...though not as much as I wanted to. I think the problem is that I'm revising what I've already written...but that revising involves writing lots of new pages. So it seems like I've done nothing new since I'm revising...though I really have since I'm expanding like crazy. But I go into a little bit of a panic every time I have to write the phrase "In this chapter I will..." because I don't know if I should be writing that, or "in this section I will" or "In this dissertation I will..." There are elements of the diss (like various introductory elements) that I don't know where to place since I'm not exactly sure what this freaking thing is. I'm at 46 or so pages and I'm still not even into the music yet--and I'm at 46+ pages and I've only finished revising the first 7 pages of what I've already written...expending those 7 pages to about 13. 20 more pages of revision to do...how big will it be when I've finished the revisions of that opening section?!...and I want to get it done by Wednesday AM so I can have something decent to hand to my advisor before our 5pm meeting that day. I do think the revisions are making it better than before...including emphasizing my placement within feminist scholarship (which is important to me since I'm working on masculinity and male subjectivity and such work tends to be either informed by feminism and pretty cool....or really not informed by feminism and pretty gross)...but I'm sure I'll want to further retune it after a night of sleep. Bah! But it is time to head off to bed...so there's that.
So I get home after working at the IHOP all night--I walk in...and I think I smell gas. I check all the burners, and nothing is out...there can be no gas leak...but I'm still all paranoid about it. So, I'm going to go to bed and set my alarm for early...if I wake up with a headache...I'm going to sort of freak out.
Well, I did lots of writing on the diss today (and replaced the Speedo cable on my motorbike)...but it seems like I didn't get much done...though I did...though not as much as I wanted to. I think the problem is that I'm revising what I've already written...but that revising involves writing lots of new pages. So it seems like I've done nothing new since I'm revising...though I really have since I'm expanding like crazy. But I go into a little bit of a panic every time I have to write the phrase "In this chapter I will..." because I don't know if I should be writing that, or "in this section I will" or "In this dissertation I will..." There are elements of the diss (like various introductory elements) that I don't know where to place since I'm not exactly sure what this freaking thing is. I'm at 46 or so pages and I'm still not even into the music yet--and I'm at 46+ pages and I've only finished revising the first 7 pages of what I've already written...expending those 7 pages to about 13. 20 more pages of revision to do...how big will it be when I've finished the revisions of that opening section?!...and I want to get it done by Wednesday AM so I can have something decent to hand to my advisor before our 5pm meeting that day. I do think the revisions are making it better than before...including emphasizing my placement within feminist scholarship (which is important to me since I'm working on masculinity and male subjectivity and such work tends to be either informed by feminism and pretty cool....or really not informed by feminism and pretty gross)...but I'm sure I'll want to further retune it after a night of sleep. Bah! But it is time to head off to bed...so there's that.
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no subject
Date: 2008-01-30 01:37 am (UTC)Don't die.
no subject
Date: 2008-01-30 06:05 pm (UTC)And certainly you can read bits of my dissertation...though I'm not yet sure I can tell you what it will be ultimately be about...it started out 7 chapters (The Comedian Harmonists and cultural issues in 1930s Germany)...then I cut it down to 3 (Comedian Harmonists and Transatlantic Youth Culture in 1930s Germany)....now...well...I don't know if it'll be the 3 chapter topic..or it'll just be on the topic of the first chapter (Comedian Harmonists and Gender in Transatlantic youth culture in 1930s Germany).
But, my advisor says, just write and find out where you end up.
no subject
Date: 2008-01-30 06:59 pm (UTC)Back in the days of my literature degree I found that that was the best way to really get down to the meat of the issue. Otherwise I would try to force a topic that I didn't really want to talk about, though I have no idea if that's anything like your issue.
Yay. It sounds interesting, now that I know what it might be about, so when you feel confident enough please feel free to shoot me a draft. I'd love to read it.